Thread 29 - When Opposites Reject and the Unlikely Attract

Max Bolzen!pR.BaFF/uk 29 Feb 2016 9:15:49 PM No.41275657>>41276455


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>>41273173
>Oh. Of course. He forgot for a brief second that she really was that dense about these sorts of things. First it was the 'date' thing last time, now she was bringing him all the way up here to couples corner; was all of this some kind of sick joke? No, no, even with her obvious faults she wasn't malicious. Besides, there wasn't a girl in the world who'd be interested in him that way in the first place.

>Letting out a despondent sigh, Max walked over to a nearby tree and simply opted to sit down, leaning his back against it and chilling out in the shade.

Never mind. It's a nice spot. Maybe it'll give me some time to chill out.

>Though between all of the weird things she'd been throwing him through in the last half an hour, he'd almost forgotten why he was so mad in the first place. Almost.

Say, Hikage... why do you do what you do? You're a mercenary, right? Why get involved in that sort of thing?

Max Bolzen!ReIheBaff. 2 Mar 2016 6:57:50 AM No.41276869>>41276966


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>>41276455
...

>Max was in silent awe for the majority of the time she was speaking, both from having never known Hikage to talk so much in a single burst but also from the story being told. Here was another one who had a troubled past full of hardships he couldn't really imagine, just like pretty much everyone else who turned mercenary that he couldn't really relate to.

>Compared to his own history, which was incredibly mild in comparison, it was a wonder just how and why he'd bothered to go for such a dangerous job in the first place. How could his own woes and worries hold a candle to the kind of people who had been forced to kill to survive?

Wow, that's... yeah, that's rough, I guess... wow... well, never mind then! I guess I got all upset and stuff for nothing, so I'm just gonna...

>Rummaging through for an ice cream, he picked out a red one and just went to town on it, comfort eating for both the temperature and his incredibly confused emotional state.

Max Bolzen!ReIheBaff. 3 Mar 2016 10:59:10 AM No.41277798>>41278844


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>>41276966
Well, yeah, I guess, but compared to all of that I'm just...

>Not that he really should've been measuring himself to anyone else's standards, but it always shocked him just how different the life of a mercenary truly was, just how tough it could really be and how much people poured their passion into their work, especially those who took on jobs of a higher grade than D. It took a lot of courage to be willing to risk your life for something, which he'd learned well from the incident with the bears.

I'm just wondering whether I made the right choice in coming here. I thought I might have found what I was looking for when I left, but now I'm not so sure. Everyone I know has a rough past or a real, dedicated reason to be a mercenary, a reason to put their lives on the line for other people, and when I think back on everything I've been doing and what it all amounted to...

>Sighing, he continued to nibble on the raspberry icecream, letting the sweet flavour alleviate some of his downcast emotions whilst he rested against the tree, staring out across the city below. The breeze rushed through the tree above him, causing one of the leaves to fall and gently float down next to him, catching his gaze as well as his thoughts.

... I just feel so flimsy, like my goals can't stand up to the world anymore. Eventually I'll just get swept up like a leaf in the wind and get blown away by fate.

Maxwell Bolzen!ReIheBaff. 4 Mar 2016 10:28:29 AM No.41278846>>41278897


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>41278844
Well yeah, but that's not really... I already know I'm good at that. It's a little weird for me to get into, but, well...

I don't have some horrible trauma clinging to me, no-one's died, I've got loving parents and I never had a bad childhood, so it feels weird to complain, but this problem's been bugging me for way too long, and now I don't really know where to go with it.

>Letting out a sigh, he tried to collect all of his thoughts. In a way, he felt similar to Hikage in this moment; it was very difficult to describe how he was feeling based on all of the experiences he'd had so far, and in all of what short a life he had there was never anyone who really shared his mindset. Perhaps that was why he'd pushed the reasons to the back of his mind, because no-one ever understood.

My home is back in Alaestus, back in Olstone, and ever since I was little I could pick up things like that, all the cabling and the theory behind how it all worked, it was all so simple. When I hit school, I really looked forward to seeing what other people could make too, I wanted to compete with people and enjoy showing them what I could do.

But then I learned about a word that just keeps haunting me - 'talent'. I was talented, according to everyone I knew. A genius, a prodigy, all these fancy terms kept getting thrown around whenever I put something new together. A machine that could make it snow inside a room, a little device that could capture light and project it onto a piece of paper in real time, and a bunch of other things, but whenever I made something new, there they were again.

"The prodigy strikes again."
"Guess the genius just never stops working."
"You can't compete with talent."

Nobody tried anymore. When I was in a room with people in class at school, it felt like I sucked all the energy out of them. 'Why bother', they'd say. 'You'll just beat us anyway'.

So I stopped trying too. I never cared about winning against anyone, I just wanted to show people what I could do, and I wanted to see what other people could do too... but I guess where 'talent' is involved, that never works out. I started to hate it.

When the time came for me to get into a Magitek Crafts assistancy, there were a lot of big names who asked me to come be their apprentice. Mom and Dad were so pleased, so proud, but I just felt so empty inside. What was the point? I never ended up bringing any joy to anyone, I never inspired any competition, I just made people give up on trying. I didn't want to do it anymore.

So I ran away. I ran here, to Kingsmeet, because I wanted to find something that might make it all worthwhile. I wanted to prove that talent didn't matter, that everyone could get to where I am if they just tried. I wanted to be able to inspire people, not devalue them...

>There were a lot of complex emotions boiling beneath the surface. He missed his family, he didn't want to disappoint them, but he couldn't shake off the feeling that it was all so very wrong, that the way Alaestus was treating his skills was wrong. Was this the way the world was? Some people were just flat out better than other people? It didn't feel right. It felt like a slap in the face to anyone who really tried.

I joined up with the Wolves because I needed a place to sleep and a little bit of income to keep me going while I tried to figure things out. Then, a couple of days after I joined, I met her.

I'd never really thought about what it was to be a Mercenary before. I was just taking D-rank jobs for the safety and the pay, as little as it was. I came back from a small request and suddenly there was this redhead in the doorway, and all of a sudden she screams at me - 'hey, you wanna fight!?' - with this stupid grin on her face, and as soon as I open my mouth to try and say 'no' she blasts me across the guild hall in a heap in a single blow.

And that's when I heard it. "There she goes again". "That's her magical talent for you". "Nobody can beat that girl, poor kid just got his ass kicked."

What if she felt like I did? What if she felt burdened by the thought of talent like I did? And when I was half-dazed on the floor, that's when I figured it out. I've never been a good fighter, I was never taught how to and my body's never really been built for it, but I thought... if I could beat that girl. If I could surpass those limits and actually beat her in a fight, I could prove that talent wasn't everything. I could say that big 'fuck you' to how the world's supposed to work according to everyone else.

But time after time after time...
>Max shuffled a little in his sitting position, holding his arms and giving them small rubs where past bruises and burns had been, grimacing a little at the memories.
... I could never do it. I started to get frustrated, I started to doubt myself. "Is this how they felt?" I started thinking, which frustrated me more. It felt like no matter how much I tried to fight it, the world just kept shutting me down, telling me that talent really is all that matters, and people's paths are set from the moment they're born.

And when I met her just now, and I tried to argue with her... she didn't seem to care. About any of it. She brushed me off with a half-hearted apology and a cookie, like I was dumb for even trying.

I'm really starting to wonder if she's right... if everyone was right all along...

Max Bolzen!pR.BaFF/uk 4 Mar 2016 8:06:10 PM No.41279441>>41280760


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>>41278897
>It was pretty difficult to follow what was going on when Hikage was using terms like 'Boss' and 'Big Boss' almost interchangeably, but it only took a little bit of thought to work it out. Hikage had pushed through on her own talents for a while, but someone had supposedly surpassed her whilst having not been so good at the beginning. It was certainly an encouraging example, but being told 'you're right' wasn't neatly as satisfying as being able to prove it to yourself.

No, it helps. Thanks, Hikage.

>Of course, he'd always known there were examples of people overcoming the odds, but perhaps he simply had to be reminded that it could happen. After spectacularly failing in the middle of the marketplace, it had felt like everything was crashing down around him, and when Janet had made his efforts feel pointless it had shattered a part of him that had been supporting his beliefs for a long time.

>So why keep going? On the one hand his point had already been proven long ago through untold numbers of stories, and on the other he'd had his own efforts thrust to zero. What was the point? The end goal, here?

Have I been chasing the wrong reason all this time...?

>There was only one thing he had wanted in the beginning; to do what he could, and enjoy showing his creations to other people. It had never been a matter of 'talent' when he was younger, it was simply something he could share with other people, whilst they shared their accomplishments with him.

>It felt like his identity was breaking down and trying to re-connect itself in different forms until it could fit back into place. Obsession with 'talent' had filled him for so long that it was too difficult to simply throw away, and yet now that he'd thought about it and talked about it Max had remembered something he'd long forgotten about why he was chasing such a thing so badly.

Wow. I've been so self-absorbed this entire time, I forgot why I was upset in the first place.

>Standing up, Max brushed himself off, having put the ice cream stick in his pocket in the meantime. He'd spent a long time thinking on the whole problem now and, though he didn't have an answer yet, he had a feeling he knew where to start.

I'm gonna keep trying to beat her.

>... of course, to almost anyone else, it probably sounded like he'd gone in a gigantic emotional circle only to end back where he started.

Max Bolzen!pR.BaFF/uk 7 Mar 2016 5:07:47 PM No.41282484>>41283262


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>>41280760
Heh, I hope not. I wouldn't wish the wrath of my mom on whoever managed to do that.

>Seriously, his mother was a mage and that'd spell bad news for whoever earned her ire. He was lucky he managed to convince her to let him come all the way out here.

It's not so much for the sake of beating her any more, though. If anything, I'm kinda curious as to what exactly her goals are. If she's so strong, so talented like everyone says she is, then what's her perspective?

Maybe if I can learn the way different people see things, I'll be able to answer those questions without having to be so... drastic about it, you know?